How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize