Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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