I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
