thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
