There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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