Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
