he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
