DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
