Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
