I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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