I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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