I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have post one night stand depression
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