did you get engaged???
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
