every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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