I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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