remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
