he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
