So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
