just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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