just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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