you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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