I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
