I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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