i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
