He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
