Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
