this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
