You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Green mimosas i think yes
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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