he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
