If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
