She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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