If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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