my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize