i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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