I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
