he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
