He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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