I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize