Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
