Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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