I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
