I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize