I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
