Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
