Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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