You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
