if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
