If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize