I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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