So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
