What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
