Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
