i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
