I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
