...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
