Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
