Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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