well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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