I can tuck mytits in my pants
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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