how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
