Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she peed on how many people?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
