operation harelip BJ is a go
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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