I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
