I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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