Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
